The Final Goodbye

The world outside was smiling Christmas joys. And inside that serene room, was the very first time he took her in his arms so strong and gazed into her eyes so deep. Never had anyone made her feel that special. Never had she felt such warmth on a December evening. That moment froze. And her racing heart skipped a beat, just to tell her that he was 'the one'.

"But if there ever comes a day when we shall have to say our final goodbyes, i will die. Maybe i will continue breathing, but my soul shall be lifeless. Maybe i will have another man in my life, but my heart shall be with you. I will miss you everyday then like i miss you everyday now. You will always be the King of my heart. Know that you are the only one for me."

And that day arrived. As much as it killed her, she finally decided to walk away herself as she could not imagine the broken state of her soul if he were to do the same. Like a coward, she slowly moved forward praying he would come running after and hug her from behind and cry her to stay. In vain went her soft prayers when he stood there watching as she made her way into the darkness, till she could no longer be a burden to his heart-sight.

"I promise that i will get over you and that you will no longer be allowed to rule my heart." This was what she heard herself whisper the day she decided she could not take it any further. His silence was getting more and more louder for her ears to bear. Her hope was shaking. For some reasons, she cursed herself for telling him to leave his world behind and come for her; or stay right where he is and forget that she even existed. With each passing day, she was dying a little more inside and so, to take that risk of either 'here or there' was all that she had left. After all, love is nothing but a risk. To give someone the authority to do whatever s/he wants with our heart. Nurture, Play, Stab, Anything!

But maybe her faith was not as fierce as was her love. She had the courage to devote herself to him. She had the courage to let him decide the fate of their bond. But when it came to waiting for what he had to cease, fear ate her alive. 3 long years of dramatic patience had already worn out her soul. Yet she had managed to persuade herself to hold on one more day, every day. Until she could no longer tolerate the pain. Love defeated; Fear eventually won that day.

Even though she had wrapped this one as 'The Final Goodbye' after hundreds of unsuccessful valedictions, it still seemed to her that their story was not over yet. Because she still missed him crazily under the lovers' night sky. Because she still felt his warm embrace inside the cold cave of her solitude. Because she still found herself penning notes of their tragedy. Because she still played the songs he used to sing for her on repeat, until it bled her heart. Because she still could not dare to erase off his memories. Because she still was searching hard for reasons to believe that this was not the end of their supposed-happily-ever-after. And because a part of her convinced her that he also was miserable without her touch. The part he caressed. True whoever quoted, "Promises are meant to be broken". For he still was the ruler of her heart.  

Although faint, their hope seemed alive. Their love fathomless as ever; maybe even more now. So was this really their final goodbye?